I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
