I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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