Ambien. No doubt about it.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
