The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
