I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
