u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
