We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
