How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
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you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
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He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.