I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?