I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.