It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?