next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
They are going to name an STD after you.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
