So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
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They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize