like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
