Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
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