there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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