I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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