Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
