Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
