Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
