I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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