dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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