Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
