Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
