you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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