He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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