some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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