her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
