I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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