She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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