I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
