I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
