i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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