Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
