Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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