Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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