I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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