I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
