Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize