There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
