what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
