so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
