really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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