I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
