Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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