these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
