Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
