she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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