When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
