i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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