You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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