where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
