I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
