WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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