Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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