I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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