She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
