I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
How naked do you want me to be?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
