I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
