I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
my being single is dangerous.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
