It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
