My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
