yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
