and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
