I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
