Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize