That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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