why didn't you poke me back
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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