Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
