so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
