ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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