This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
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It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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