Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
