okay pat passed out under dana's car
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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