Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
