2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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